Hiroto
Do you feel any change in you, Hiroto, these days?
Yes. I think I can see myself a little bit more objectively these days.
Oh, do you? Hiroto, you are a hot-blooded man like a wild boar just running around (laugh), so it’s a quite change.
You think so too?(laugh) Basically I’m like a wild boar rushing head first.(laugh) But these days I found my negative part, I’m positive for everything, so I make a head first rush into everything to cover my weakness.
It was not because you didn’t want to show it, but because you yourself didn’t want to know the negative presence in you.
Yes. I thought I could pretend to be unaware of it because I didn’t want to know it. But once, I thought I really couldn’t grow up if I didn’t admit my weakness and live.
Was there any prompt?
Yes. These days people who know of alice nine. are increasing in many places, and I thought that I couldn’t go to where I was aiming to unless I look at myself more deeply. Until then, I thought I really didn’t have any weak parts. But I just thought that, and if I saw my weak parts I might be afraid of myself, I thought. But now I feel that I can face my weak parts, because I gradually became to live as alice nine., which is okay.
If a person has confidence in something, he or she can also recognize their weakness too. You won’t struggle to show yourself to be strong anymore, because you are already strong.
Yes, I think so.
But surely you have passion because you’re so young when I see you on stage. You are so lively.(laugh)
Ahahaha. You mean the passion which is like a hooked fish jumping on land, don’t you?(laugh) Like ‘a flood of passion!’.(laugh) I actually feel that too so I can understand it. It really seems like ‘young passion’.
Yes. When we grow up, our passion isn’t shown on the outside, but kept it internally.
Yes. I really think so. The inner passion is a true passion. My passion until now was not a lie nor a fake, and it seemed really out there in your face. Honestly speaking, when we started alice nine., I felt totally like that. I was young and less experienced than other members, which I thought would let others look down on me. I hate to lose, so I really put on bravado.
Well, I see. Have you always hated losing?
Yes. I heard that I hated to lose even before I entered into kindergarten.(laugh) When I was 2 or 3 years old, I tried to learn how to read a clock and do mathematics.(laugh) Anyway, I couldn’t forgive myself if I couldn’t do things that others could. I think I have been living trying to do everything beyond my ability at any time. And I hated to show I was doing my best. I worked very hard secretly and I wanted to do it so easy without any effort in public. I felt like I was always living like that until now.
And you changed recently.
Yes. These days I now think that working hard is not bad, and having a weak part makes people stay strong. And it was good that I became to think that people can’t grow up alone. I think working hard secretly is very good, but we don’t grow up that way. I feel that because I actually experienced it. For example, before when there was something which I couldn’t understand in our recordings, I was too shy to ask questions, I felt ashamed, and hated to be looked down on, so I studied very hard at home and mastered it by our next recording. And it finished there. If I had asked someone and learnt it then and there, I could have learnt various things. I felt like I had broken off my growth by myself, by being stubborn like that. So I learnt to show my weakness and immatureness honestly, because I thought it was no use to be stubborn like that, and tried to open my weakness, learn whatever I can learn, and absorb what I can. It’s not the time to make myself look good now.(laugh) Showing off is more awkward for me.
I see. You grew up, didn’t you?
Gradually.(laugh) But I can’t see my changes myself, because I became to think like that just recently.
Since around when?
Around when our former tour finished. It finished just few months ago so I haven’t felt my changes yet(laugh), and it seems to be so gradual. My thinking is like that because I joined alice nine., and learnt from members and fans, I think.
Now you can face yourself head on.
Yes, I really think so.
Did you have any memories of when you couldn’t face yourself and struggled?
Yes I have. Once I thought about “What’s the meaning to live?”. There was a time that whenever I had bad luck I thought negatively like “There’s no use to live,”. As I wrote in the lyrics of [FANTASY], when my friend died in an accident in junior high school, I felt for the first time that humans become nothing after death. Well, I experienced human death for the first time in elementary school, when my grandmother died, but at that time I was only a child, so I just thought that humans die and that’s it. When my classmate died in junior high school, the shock was too big to understand, and it took me a long time to understand that I would never see him again. But after that I thought “Humans really end when they die.”, then I never thought like “It’s no use to live.”. Now I think I was really weak and searching for an escape. Thinking like “It’s no use to live.” itself is an escape, I think. I’m a type who goes to talk to anyone by myself, but once I talk with them and feel like “I don’t fit with this person.”, I never go to them again.(laugh) Then I think I’m trying to hide my weakness from them. Recently even if I feel in my stomach that “He seems difficult to me.”, I try to talk with that person. I changed a little bit in this way. Well, I won’t go to a person who I feel “I can’t get along with.”, which has not changed.(laugh) Um, how can I say it? Basically I’m a passionate man who rushes head first into things, but with people it’s not really the case. (laugh) I really feel I’m rather picky.(laugh) Well, am I going to change as I’m growing into an adult?(laugh) That’s still unknown.
I think so too. You change through your experiences, so you have many unknown parts yet. From now on, your way of thinking seems to change after you have various experiences. Is there any advice from ‘the present Hiroto’ to others?
I feel like I’m in my 2nd stage of life now. I think you are in your 1ststage. Me in the 2nd stage can’t see me in the 3rd stage yet, and I can’t imagine which experiences will make me feel what. So I think you in the 1st stage can’t understand completely about what adults say even more than me. If you escape from this, you can’t grow up, nor understand them, so first of all, you should experience anything and everything, I think. So don’t be afraid, do your best, and start to experience! And have the courage to face your weaknesses first, so you’ll get real strength
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