Wink Up 2007 December - TORA

This is Alice Nine's guitarist Tora. So i'll be talking about myself when i was in my teens. For this period of time, i guess it's mostly student life. Personally what remains most in my mind is my middle school period i guess. It was around that time that i start having a sense of self. Because i started the guitar in middle school, and that changed me some ways. I guess that was the point in time that i was at the biggest crossroad of my life. 

People in kindergarten or junior school, i think they aren't fully human yet (laughs) If i say it clearer, they are still animals (laughs). During that time, don't they just simply receive the food, the clothes that their parents bought for them? But when you enter the later years of junior school, your sense of self starts to emerge. Ah, this is becoming philosophical (laughs). If i start this kind of talk it won't end (laughs)

My family is a rather traditional kind, since kindergarten i've been sent to learn English, in junior school, I can't just be good in studies, i have to be good in sports as well so i also had to learn soccer. But well, at that time i didn't dislike that and simply went with it, but in school i was really bullied a lot. Seriously i have met with rather intense bullying before. In those times, i didn't receive help from anyone. Because everyone don't want to cover up for you and end up getting bullied themselves. That's why i thought nothing will change even if i speak up so I earnestly beared with everything, thinking one day these might all end.

I'm a quarter so my eye color is not completely black so i was probably an easy target for bullying. In my later years of junior school, i thought about how i can prevent myself from getting bullied, so that point in time i learned various stuff, i thought i'll become someone who can say funny stuff. Doing that, gradually everyone starts to think of me as "maybe this person is funny".

In middle school, i had a growth spurt so I had an intimidating air around me, and also playing the guitar in middle school was uncommon so i probably looked scary. 

I'm sure among the readers of Wink Up, there will be some who are troubled by bullying issues, but don't give up. I understand that even if you are told to have courage you just might not have it, but one day you'll find something that becomes your dream, or when you experience something that people showed interest in, something in you might change, so don't ever escape from it. It's a sensitive issue so i can't say anything irresponsible but don't push yourself too much, don't blame yourself, in any case i think it'll be good to slowly face yourself. 

The reason i'm in a band now is definitely because i wanted companions who can understand me. Also because there are things that i want people to see, i want things that people can respect me for. In a realistic way, i think these are connected. That's why, i hope everyone can find their friends or companions who can understand them.