Saga
I would like ask you to tell us what you are thinking these days, Saga-sama.
Oh, well, that’s a wide theme.(laugh) What do I think living these days? Hmm….Ah, is it OK if I tell you a heavy story?(laugh) Recently, I think about my parents often. Before, their presence was all too natural to think about them, but one day suddenly, our situation turned around, I used to be the one to be worried about, but now I worry about them these days.
I understand that very well. There is a time when we have to take care of them.
Yes. But from a parents’ point of view, it seems complicated. As they look at me, they think I have grown up but they also feel lonely, I think. It’s the same for me, that I feel for my parents. So for the first time, I realized that like “Ah, I’m grown up enough….”, and at the same time when I saw my shoes had became bigger than other shoes lined up at the front door I felt a little bit lonely and sad.
When did you feel that for the first time?
I felt that around in the 3rd grade of my high school for the first time. At that time, my body was growing very quickly, and my mental growth was fastest, I think.
Before, did you think “I want to grow up fast.”?
Yes. I wanted to be an adult fast. But actually I grew up and thought that, it was easier to live thinking nothing and being honest in my childhood. When I realized that to be an adult is sad like this, I changed my feeling like “I want to be child as I used to be.”.
What is your sadness when you became to be an adult?
When I lie because I feel I have to. Lies to deceive someone are not good at all, but we adults sometimes tell lies as we look around the air and think better to tell lies. When I tell such lies, I feel sad, thinking like “Where did I learn such a lie….?”, I’m always thinking about others’ feelings. I think first in my head before I say things like “If I say this, how would others feel?”. There are times when I would rather tell a lie because I think it’s better to do so, which makes me feel sad. I want to hold dear my feelings of “Why am I telling a lie?” or “Why do I need to lie?”.
Yes, I don’t know why, but we tell such lies. We find out as we grow up. At around when you wanted to be an adult, what did you think would change when you became an adult?
It’s very simple but I thought adults were cool. Musicians who I liked were adults, and I thought when I grew up I could make a cool band.
I see. So now being an adult, which part do you think was childish as you grew up?
I carelessly depended on people who guarded me, and I worried about various things.
So this part of you that worried, was your childish part?
Yes. Sometimes ‘worrying’ is important but my former worries seem to be me being soft on myself. They seem to be ‘excuses for what I can’t do’. You know, “Why I can’t do it.”. I would worry about before I ever did anything. “Maybe I can’t…” with this thinking nothing would ever get resolved, it was just on excuse.
I see. You can move forward without worrying, which sometimes brings winning because of youth. On the other hand, Adults worry about what would be in front, how others would feel if they do something, and be afraid to go ahead and stop.
Yes. If you think that way, it’s really difficult. I learnt to do things before I worry, after I had many experiences, I wouldn’t worry anymore because I became an adult who can recognize and reveal my weakness, I think. But before I had a force which I could dive in without thinking about what would happen later.(laugh) The lies which I learnt when I became an adult, eventually turn into worrying about what would happen from here on in, how others would feel if I would do so, being afraid to step ahead and stopping. I think we worry about many things at a young age. Yes, I understand that very well.(laugh)
Shou and Tora said they don’t worry anymore these days, but how about Saga-sama?
Well, I don’t worry either. Not like I don’t worry but, I can see from various angles. And as I said now, I now think there is no use to worry before you do something. Before, I used to be afraid to fail and couldn’t step ahead, but now I think I can see new things since I failed, then I don’t have to worry anymore.
So you learnt to stand up to a task before worrying?
Yes. Now I feel like another me in my mind whispers to me and says,” Do it like this!” before I worry about it.(laugh) But that needs a lot of power, before I often felt it was a hassle to make another me in my mind to do it.(laugh) For example, if I faced something needing courage, and there was no other way to go, but I didn’t have courage and worried about things so I wouldn’t have to do it. But now I can hear my inner voices and have courage, I don’t worry about it anymore.
Is it because you met alice nine., that you feel stronger?
Yes, it is. I think the environment around me influenced me a lot. If I didn’t become a member of alice nine., I wouldn’t have found the importance of people around me so much, and I wouldn’t have a sense of responsibility like I do now. I’m more an adult now because I was in an environment where I had to think. It changed me, my interests, my vocals and how I see life.
Before, when you had a conversation with a bassist in SHOXX bis, you said so too.
Yes. Before, I always thought about standing out, but now I think about supporting others from one step behind. I really think so. I didn’t have an eye to see the whole picture, but I only saw myself. I used to only see easy stuff, or things that stand out and popular things (laugh), that I wanted to be like. You know, everything was all right as long as I was all right. But now I can see those around me, and I’m interested in them, and I think that it’s cool. Since I became a member of alice nine., I have come to think “I want the band to be cool”, rather than “I want to be cool.”. I can think this because I’m in alice nine.. I think “What can I do to make the band shine brighter?”. I think this because of not only members but also fans who hold us dear, and I really thank them.
Then what advice does the present Saga-sama give to your fans, looking back over the past?
Don’t fake it, and believe in yourself. I think that this deadens your worries naturally. And don’t be afraid to fail, and face up to what you have to. If you fail, I’m sure someone will help you. I’m not saying turn to others for help, but I’m saying you are not alone. Like me, you may have times when you don’t notice other’s kindness and love. But now I think we are living because we are helped by people around us a lot, so you don’t just depend on them, and don’t forget to thank them. So you never think “I’m alone.”. In your young age, you have a delusion that you can do everything by yourself. Well…. I’m sounding like an old man.(laugh) But I really think so. I thought I could do everything by myself. But I was wrong. Even I can’t work hard without staff and fans supporting me. And you might think what your parents’ say and their very existence is annoying, but I’m sure you’ll have time to thank them and your situation will turn around, so I want you to notice this importance before it’s too late.
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